As she said last time, during the difficult years about the only thing that kept her going was "centering down, breathing, [and] asking the God aspect of the Divine One to bring her back into his present moment."
She understands that the "God aspect" is the aspect she learned to know and trust as a child growing up in a loving Christian family and culture.
Nonetheless, despite the Truth which came through to her from that upbringing, it was an exclusively patriarchal and orthodox environment.
Patriarchal christianities have rarely been comfortable with the divinely fluid ambiguity of sacred language. They tend to want precision and changelessness.
Anyway, as life has gradually become livable and even joyful at times over the past year, Walhydra as felt divided about "which religion to practice."
"If I turn to Goddess instead of God, what if I lose my way again?"
"Um, Deary?" Goddess whispers. "This isn't about me. It's about you. It's about how you experience me, how you are most honest with and open to me—at a given moment."
Goddess rolls her eyes.
"You need to go back and reread this! This was you way back at the start of the blog!"
"Don't you remember?!"
"Hey, wait a minute!" she exclaimed, eyeing the Goddess slantwise one day. "You're that same Guy…!""Oh."
"Yes, Dearie," Goddess smiled, batting her eyelashes. "Glad you finally noticed."
You see, as Walhydra now understands it, human concepts—including concepts like "the gender of the deity"—are just that. Human.
They are temporary and ever-changing maps of what we happen to know or suspect, at a given moment, about the character of our individual and collective experience of What Is Real. They are, just like the labels which direct us to them, merely pointing fingers.
But we know What Is Real.
"You say that a lot."
Walhydra grinned sheepishly.
And so it is.