Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Odds & ends

Walhydra always walks around with a bunch of little gripes and jokes buzzing in her head.

Usually, she waits until one of them turns itself into a blog post before she publishes it...but that means a lot of stuff just keeps buzzing, or else flies away unshared.

[Not that the gentle reader needs to know about every single mental gnat which annoys Walhydra.]

Today, though, she has decided to do a quick and dirty listing of some of the latest gnats....

First: What is it about guys and spitting?

Walhydra has wondered about this throughout her current incarnation as a gay male would-be writer. Since she was never a "real boy" as a child, she didn't get the usual indoctrination.

Her normal response—that is, after she says "Yuch!"—is, "Don't they know how to swallow?" But she realizes that this must be some sort of "guy thing."

Yes, she did read Tom Sawyer, et al., so she knows about spitting contests. And she knows that an athlete in the midst of competition might need a quick remedy.

But just walking or driving down the street?

Oh, well....

Second: Walhydra doesn't do commercial endorsements. However, she can't resist sharing this delightful new slogan for Panera's, which she saw on a delivery truck this morning:Panera's bread

"Unsliced bread. The best thing since sliced bread."

Third: One of Walhydra's library colleagues sent her this story, which she just has to share:Grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
You go, girl!


Grumpy Granny said...

Having worked as a paralegal for 6 years, I really appreciate that!!



Anonymous said...

I've seen this one before and she is definitely one of my heroines.

PATRICK said...
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PATRICK said...
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