Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Feline Law of Surfaces: Master Miso's Legacy

Walhydra and hubby Jim remember many things about the little guy who watched over them for so many years.

Among other things, Master Miso was a great teacher who sought to teach his humans enlightened behavior.

Master Miso studied human beings for many years. He determined that their limitations could best be dealt with through one law and seven corollaries.

The Feline Law of Surfaces

 Any surface not previously available to the cat must be sat upon.
This law is also sometimes referred to as “nesting behavior”....as, for example, when one sets aside the top of a corrugated box and promptly finds the cat lying in it.
Corollary 1: Any contained space not previously open must be climbed into.
No matter how small or...one would think... undignified.
Corollary 2: Whatever the human picks up to read must be climbed upon.
This corollary may derive from the cat’s clear remembrance of the Burning Times and his aim to protect the human from written lore that might attract new persecution.
Corollary 3: Clean laundry must first be pressed by the cat to preserve its wrinkles.
A variant on nesting behavior.
Corollary 4: All papers left on the floor are to be shredded.
Variant: No commercial cat toy is worthy of attention.
Corollary 5: All laps are to remain available at a moment’s notice, regardless of anything else the human is doing.
Conversely, no human is to place the cat on his lap. The cat may deign, if so moved, to accept a lap offered with due humility.
Corollary 6: All humans who remain in a room after the cat leaves are to come immediately once the cat calls from the next room.
Otherwise known as: "Really!...the HELP one gets these days...!”
Corollary 7: Feeding the cat on time is a sign of promptness and loyalty, regardless of whether or not he eats once fed.

When the cat is ready to eat, he is to be fed again, regardless of whether...etc.
Otherwise known as: “What ELSE do you have to do, anyway? It’s only two hours till your alarm rings.”
Sadly, Master Miso's humans are now left alone with each other, not certain how to proceed without a feline to attend to. Walhydra supposes that, when the time is right, another teacher will come along, just as Master Miso did.

Until then, she and Jim will fumble along, being nice to each other and their friends and laughing as much as they can.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

and how is it that feline insistence on lap or desk surfaces increases in direct proportion to the urgency of the work being done or seriousness of the phone call upon which one is engaged?

hans bibbl